


I'd Shout Hooray

by Sena



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Banter, Community: bandom_meme, Friendship, M/M, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-15
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2017-11-12 04:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sena/pseuds/Sena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the <a href="http://bandom-meme.dreamwidth.org/">bandom_meme</a> prompt, <i>Pete/Patrick, 'If You Were Gay,' by Avenue Q</i>.</p><p>Pete just wants his friends to know he's supportive, okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Shout Hooray

"I'm just saying," Pete says with a shrug.

Patrick says, "Oh, my God."

"I'm just saying that if you were, you know, I'd be cool with it."

Patrick says, "Jesus, Pete."

"Don't you know I'd be cool with it?" Pete asks, sliding around a support beam in the green room and stretching out on a lumpy, plaid couch.

Patrick says, "I'm fucking aware, asshole," and tries to concentrate on tuning his guitar.

"That's a blanket statement, by the way," Pete says, raising his voice. "Joe, I want you to know that if you're gay, I'm cool with it."

Joe doesn't look up from his Game Boy as he says, "I'm not gay."

Pete says, "That's not the point of this conversation. Andy, what's the point of this conversation?"

"That you're too embarrassed to come out to us so you're trying to goad Patrick into coming out to make yourself feel better," says Andy dryly.

Pete points at him, then tips his head back and laughs. He says, "No. Fuck. I'm totally gay from the waist up. I'll make out with dudes for hours, even suck a nipple or two, you know that."

"Unfortunately," Andy grumbles.

"What I'm saying," says Pete, "is that I'm supportive. I am one billion percent supportive of my friends and their sexualities."

Patrick says, "There's actually no such thing as a billion percent. One hundred percent is the maximum."

Pete sits up and looks at him, puzzled. "But then how am I supposed to give a hundred and ten percent?"

Patrick says, "You're not. If you give more than a hundred percent, then what you were giving before was actually _less_ than a hundred percent. You can't give more than a hundred percent. Percent means out of a hundred. One hundred percent means everything. One hundred and ten percent doesn't exist."

Pete says, "Somebody needs to tell that to my high school soccer coach." He plays with the rubber bracelets on his wrist, then grins and says, "Nice attempt at distraction there, Lunchbox."

Patrick sighs and says, "It was worth a try."

+++

"So," Pete says, leaning forward to rest his chin on the back of the bench seat in front of him. "If you were gay--"

Patrick only slaps him in the face with the back of his hand, but it still hurts.

+++

"My point is that I'm supportive," Pete says as they pile out of the van. He stops and takes an experimental breath. He says, "Holy shit, I think the air's made out of water. You don't have asthma, do you, Trick?"

Patrick says, "No."

"Okay. Good. Does anybody else feel like they're breathing water right now?"

Joe says, "I feel like I'm in Louisiana. Because we're in fucking Louisiana."

Pete says, "Dude. Your hair is giant."

Joe shrugs. "The fro loves humidity."

When Andy climbs out of the van, Pete covers his mouth with his hands and works very, very hard at not saying anything. Instead, he says, "Your hair is going to take over the world."

Andy says, "Yeah, you should look in the mirror. Don't think your flat iron's going to help you here."

Pete rushes to one of the side mirrors and gapes at his own hair, starting to kink even with hours of painstaking chemical straightening. He says, "Patrick, I need a hat."

Patrick says, "Sucks to be you."

Pete gestures to his own head. "Patrick, look at my hair. Does this look good to you?"

Patrick says, "We've been in a van for seventy-two hours. The only thing in the entire world that looks good to me is a shower."

Pete says, "No, come on, you have to loan me a hat."

Patrick says, "Go fuck yourself."

Pete launches himself onto Patrick's back and says, "Come on, Tricky, I need it. I need a hat and you have so many."

Patrick says, "Buy your own."

"It's not the same. I don't want just any hat. I want one of your hats. Only one of your hats can save me."

Patrick picks up his guitar case in one hand and his duffle in the other. He says, "If you're not off my back by the time we get into the room, I'm taking you into the shower with me just so you know."

Pete wraps his arms and legs tighter around Patrick's torso and says, "Because you're gay?"

He thinks the way Patrick stumbles and slams Pete's body into the side of the Lake Charles Knights Inn is probably not an accident.

+++

"Trick?" Pete whispers, only poking Patrick in the ribs a little bit. "Trick, are you awake?"

Patrick shoves Pete hard enough to send him sprawling to the floor, which means yes.

Pete climbs back into bed next to Patrick and says, "Patrick?"

Patrick says, "Oh, my God, you psychopath, let me sleep."

"But you're awake."

Patrick sighs wearily and opens his eyes.

Pete says, "Do you think my hair looks bad?"

Patrick says, "It's dark and I'm not wearing my glasses."

"No, I meant tonight. Did you think my hair looked bad tonight? At the show?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"No, like, are you just saying it didn't look bad because you think it looked okay? Or are you just saying it didn't look bad because you don't actually give a shit about the way my hair looks so whatever it's doing is fine by you?"

Patrick says, "I am one hundred and ten percent supportive of your hair and its orientation, whatever that orientation may be."

Pete laughs softly and pokes Patrick in the ribs again. He doesn't poke hard, though. It's more of a thank you poke.

Pete says, "If you were gay, I would be a hundred and ten percent supportive of you, you know."

Patrick says, "I know."

"And also if you were gay, I'd probably put my hand down your pants."

Patrick doesn't say anything.

"I'm gay above the waist for everybody else, but I'm pretty sure I'm full-body gay for you."

Patrick still doesn't say anything.

"I just freaked you out, didn't I? I didn't mean to freak you out and, like, this doesn't have to be weird. I totally won't grope you in your sleep or anything because I'm firmly anti-rape, so, you know, no sleep touching. I just thought maybe you should know, and I figured that you wouldn't really want to know but I can't. Keeping secrets from you is the worst thing in my life, you know? Even if they're secrets I should keep and not inflict on you and--"

Patrick says, "Jesus Christ, shut up and put your fucking hand down my pants already."

Pete does.


End file.
